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August 18, 2008

Monday

Hello my sweet friends,

So much has been going on lately that I really don't know where to begin. God has been working on my heart so much.  I can honestly say that I have not felt this close to my Savior in such a long, long time. 

The boys start school tomorrow and I am so sad about it.  The sadness is unexpected because I thought I was ready for a "break" but I really think I am going to miss them terribly.  We have had such a good time together this summer and I think since the miscarriage things have changed so much.  I feel closer to my children.  I pray for them more.  I stay connected to what they are doing more.  I guess I am realizing that each day really does matter and time is not really on my side when raising children. Which leads me to the next issue on my heart....homeschooling.  It is a subject that I have not been interested in whatsoever but lately the issue keeps coming to my mind over and over again. I feel the Lord laying this on my heart and so I will pray about it.  Andrew said something the other night that has been playing over and over in my head.  He said "We only have once chance to raise our children and that is it." Simple words but it got me thinking about what a responsibility we have as parents.  I know that I will have regrets.  I know that I can never be the perfect parent and believe me I am not even close.  I just want what every parent wants which is what is best for my children. I will continue to keep this close to my heart and praying daily for God's wisdom on the subject.

And now something completely off the subject.

I just received this kit!  A surprise I am sure!  Not scrap related but oh I am so excited.  I have been really trying to cook more at home and one day I was looking around in my kitchen and said to myself "I need new stuff!"  I have been married for almost nine years and believe me my kitchen gadgets were getting very,very old!

And this is my new most beloved tool!

Lord_of_the_rings_2

Oh, this is the most handy thing ever!  It makes chopping a breeze! I am loving it!  I have my first show this Sunday evening!  I am so excited and nervous.  Wish me luck.

Okay, off to bed. 

Night!

August 12, 2008

Hello

Good morning sweet friends.

Not alot going on here.  Just been busy keeping Karigan busy.  She demands attention but I love it so much.

I think my children have really helped my healing process.  I know that if I didn't have them that this would all be so much harder.  I wish you could hear their prayers at night.  They are so sweet and honest.  Just melts my heart.

Have you ever read this blog, Bring The Rain? This womans faith amazes me.  You must read her story but I warn you, you must have a box of tissues close.

Her story and her faith lead me to this layout...

Bringtherain

Have you heard Bring the Rain by Mercy Me?  Is is so beautiful.  I hope you will listen to it. I tried to put it on my playlist but I am not having much luck with it.

I also read this amazing story on Monique's blog.  It is a story by the lovely Beth Moore.   I have to share it with you...

April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville , waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you.       

You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego.

I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones.
      

The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man.

I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport... an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat; trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served up on a wheelchair only a few seats from me.  All the while, my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him.

Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man.

I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall.  I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen.  And it may be embarrassing.

I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. 'Oh, no, God, please, no.' I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, 'Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of  this gawking audience.. Please, Lord!'

There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, 'Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane.' Then I heard it...'I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair.'
      

The words were so clear, my heart leap into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I  witness to the man or brush his hair? No-brainier.  I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, 'God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your  girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man' Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. 'That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him.  I want you to go brush his hair.'

I looked up at God and quipped, 'I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?' God was so insistent that  I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: 'I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works.'   (2 Timothy 3:17)
      

I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, 'Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?'       

He looked back at me and said, 'What did you say?'

'May I have the pleasure of  brushing your hair?'
      

To which he responded in volume ten, 'Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that.'

At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out , 'SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?' At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Long Locks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, 'If you really want to.' Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, 'Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush.' 'I have one in my bag,' he responded.

I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands, remembering to take my time not to pull. A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while.

The emotions were so strong and so pure t hat I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's.

I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knee and said, 'Sir, do you know my Jesus?'

He said, 'Yes, I do' Well, that figures, I thought. He explained, 'I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior.' He said, 'You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a    mess I must be for my bride.'
      

Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it.       

Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.

I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, 'That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?'

I said, 'Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!'

And we got to share.      

I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!
      

I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way . . all because I didn't want people  to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me..

John 1:14 'The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth'

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting, 'Wow! What a ride! Thank You, Lord!'


If your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light........ Mt. 6:22

By God's grace I am what I am..... 1 Corinthians 15:10
      

'Life isn't about how  to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!'

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Much Love,

Tammy 

      


August 07, 2008

Thank you again

Faithlayout

You ladies have brightened my day so much.  Thank you so much for your love and support.

I started this layout last week but changed it up a bit now of course.

I am okay.  One minute I am fine and the next bawling like a baby.  Hormones I guess.

My best friend, Shelly, sent me a few verses that have really been a comfort to me.

Thank you dear sweet friend!  I love you. (the text is a bit crazy. Big and little, sorry)

This one reminds me that the grief I feel is real. That I am mourning the loss of SOMEONE.   Psalm 139:13-16    For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  . . . My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Even if it's only a handful of days. God has a purpose for the smallest of people.)
This one was my answer to "Lord, I need some comfort." and "Why God? I don't get it."    2 Corinthians 1:3-7    3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

This one is pretty self explanatory and it always makes me feel better.   Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)

New Living Translation(NLT)

Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 byTyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

I found these statements in a few different places and I love them.

This is one is so comforting to me:

Paradise, not this place of shadows and pain, is home. Those of us still on earth are in a war zone; fighting on foreign soil. What soldier feels sorry for those who go home early? As a child, I used to watch Mr. Squiggle on TV. He was a puppet with a huge pencil for a nose. Children would send him ugly, meaningless lines they had drawn. Mr. Squiggle, always up to the challenge, would ingeniously add more lines, transforming the original chaotic, useless squiggles into a clever drawing. God is like that. When presented with the challenge of what looks like a twisted or tragically shortened life, he goes to work, transforming it into an exquisite work of art that will leave us gasping in awe for all eternity. On our side of death we see little more than the chaos, but people of faith will one day have the privilege of gazing upon the completed masterpiece.

And this one is profound to me. That EVERY life is a COMPLETE life! :

The Bible says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16). That means God knows exactly how long each of us will live. Some miscarry; some live more than a century. But every life is a complete life. We may not understand this completely, and accepting it will never take all the sting out of our loss, but embracing this as truth can help to soften the blow. Whether a life spans decades or blooms and fades in minutes, it is a complete life. God makes no mistakes.

August 06, 2008

It is over

I wish this was a good post but I am afraid that it is not.  I had a miscarriage.

I am relieved in a weird way but so very sad at the same time.

Thank you again for your continued support and prayers.

Tammy

The Waiting Game

Good Morning Sweet Friends!

Yesterday I had to go back to the doctor because I had more spotting and cramping.  They checked my levels.  I called the Lab today and it looks like they can't tell me anything...yet.  My HCG levels are in the 800 range.  But another level, can't remember what it is called but it has to do with the placenta, is a 2.5 and a normal level is 10.  (Sorry if I just confused you) I go back tomorrow to check my levels again and hopefully by Friday I will know if this baby is going to stay around.  The wait drives me crazy.  I go to the bathroom constantly.  Constantly checking.  I think I have passed the point of worry.  Now I just kinda want an answer.  Good pregnancy or bad pregnancy?

I of course hope and pray that everything will turn out and this baby will be arriving in April but I am trying to prepare myself for the possible letdown as well.

I had a miscarriage ten years ago.  I was only eighteen and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I wasn't ready to be a mother and I was so very,very young.  Now it feels so much different.  I think I was more excited about this pregnancy than I was about any of my others.  Maybe it is because I am much older and more prepared.  The other two pregnancies were so chaotic.  The outcome has been wonderful.  I love my children more than anything but when I found out I was pregnant with them I cried and cried.  I was worried about finances and how we were going to deal with babies.  This time though I was just happy and felt peaceful about the whole experience. But at the same time feeling like this was too good to last.  Does any of this make sense?   I feel like I am rambling.  So many thoughts running through my head.  I haven't been sleeping well.  I honestly wish I could take an Ambien and sleep the entire day. (Just so you know, I have never taken a sleeping pill but the thought is sounding really good right now!)

So basically I am tired....really tired. And basically living on organic pop tarts.

I think the Lord is trying to teach me patience right now.  Not sure if I am doing such a good job. But I am still thanking Him for this gift of life.  Even if it doesn't last long I know He has allowed this to happen for His Glory.  Somehow.  I can feel it.

Thank you again for your prayers and concern.

August 04, 2008

So small!

Img

Well, there is the Little wee one...so very small.  I am very early.  Not quite 5 weeks.  So basically it is very early and the doctor couldn't tell me anything yet.

My prescription is to rest and not to be on my feet all the time.  If I start cramping I need to rest and if things get any worse I am to call the doctor.

I have another appointment on August 14. Hopefully they can see and tell me a little more then.

I feel better and a little less worried.

Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. 

I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

xo,

Tammy

August 03, 2008

A bit scared.

I was visiting my parents today.  We ate dinner and everything seemed fine.  Mother-nature called and so I went to the bathroom to find that I was spotting.  Since dinner I have been cramping off and on.  I called my doctor and I have an ultrasound in the morning.  I am worried.  I am trying to have faith and just leave it in His hands.  I have had a weird feeling since the beginning of  this pregnancy.  I haven't been sick 1 time!  I was sick the entire time I was pregnant with my other children.  I am trying to remind myself that every pregnancy is different, right? Right.

So if you are reading this if you could say a prayer for this wee one in my belly. Please pray that He would help me not to worry and depend on Him.  Please pray that if it be His will that this baby would be safe and healthy.

I appreciate it so very much.

Bless you all.

Tammy

July 28, 2008

Random bits

I am completely and 100% absorbed in all things baby related!  I am so excited!!!!

Not sure where this has came from.  Last Tuesday when I found out that I was pregnant I wanted nothing to do with pregnancy or babies.  I seriously thought we were finished.  Funny how each day holds something new.

I am itching to scrapbook and be involved in this "community" again.

The school year is approaching and my boys are going to be in the 2nd grade.  I can't believe it! 

I have my first appointment and ultrasound on Sept. 2nd and it seems like an eternity before it will be here.

Hoping that they only see 1 baby and that it will be healthy.

Went to see this....

Mamma_mia_poster_4

and it was fantastic!!! I can't stop singing the songs!

It was just one of those movies that makes you feel happy.  I loved it!

Off to take the kids to the park.

Bye!

July 25, 2008

Thank you!

I am so happy!

Excited!

Blessed!

But also very, very

Scared

Nervous

And praying each day that nothing bad happens!

The kids are so very excited!  Karigan keeps asking me when they are going to cut open my tummy and take the baby out. I know, its kinda weird for a three year old to ask that question but she has see the Baby Story on TLC and that is why she is asking.  But she is excited and is telling everyone that she is going to be a "Big Sisther!"

The boys are happy.  I asked McKinley if he was happy and he said "Well, kind of.  I just don't want anybody messing up my room." 

And when Chanston was praying the other night he asked "Please help the Baby to come out carefully." Those are his exact words.  So sweet and sincere.

I am happy.  Each day things are looking brighter and I have been looking at my kids in a completely different way.  They have grown up so fast and the thought of another one growing inside me makes my heart happy.

Thank you all so very much for your kind words and thoughtful comments.  I appreciate each and everyone.

Love you all!

Tammy

July 23, 2008

OH MY!

072308

What a surprise!